Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
