I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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