I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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