So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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