Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
