so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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