I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
not ubering you a puppy
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
