She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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