I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
