At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
