Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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