come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
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I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
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