..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My balls are so social today.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
