Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
