sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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