First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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