Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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