I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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