hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
