When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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