I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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