Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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