He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
