OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
