theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
