They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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