im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
