I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
