So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
