That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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