I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
