If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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