Pregnant stripper...not hot.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
