Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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