Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so let's talk penis.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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