No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
