I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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