Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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