Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
