So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
