To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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