loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
