i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
