Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
