I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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