well I can't set my house on fire every night
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
