Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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