I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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