you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
