I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
