Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
