oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
