Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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