No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
