Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
