you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
