You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
