Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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