i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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