So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
