I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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