Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
