Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
