I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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