I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
