he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
