Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
