Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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