was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
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I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
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I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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