Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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