the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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