I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
